Dear Grandma

Na jaayate mriyate vaavipascit
Naayam kutascin-na babhuuva kascit
Ajo nityah saasvato yam puraano
Na hanyate hanyamaane sarire

The intelligent aatman is not born, nor does He die.
He did not spring from anything and nothing sprang from him.
This unborn, eternal, evelasting, ancient is
Not slain even when the body is destroyed.
- Kathopanisad

As I write this, far away in trichy, the mortal body of my beloved maternal grandma shall be consigned to agni, the agni devouring the flesh and the bones. She is very close to my heart; death may take away the frail body but not sweet memories etched in my heart. I’ve all through, spent my summer vacations with her, listening to her sweet voice narrating stories after stories about her tryst with peoples and lord murugan. Certainly, being the first grandson, I was her pet; with all fondness she would over-serve me (rather all, even strangers too). Her food serving style was testimony to her magnanimous heart; even in this June she distributed all the marriage sweets to all the visitors. I would keenly await the arrival of her magic vibhuti for my exams and credit for passing all the exams goes to her and my mom’s prayers. It was she who taught me sandhyvandaman mantras and it is because of her initiation, I still perform my morning duty.

Her life was marked by ‘sacrifices’ – for supporting and raising grandpa’s siblings, marrying them off, raising her own kids, borrowing and repaying the debts. It is indeed remarkable how she single-handedly managed her finances and savings and took care of her daughters after the death of my grandpa; perhaps a trait (the fighting spirit) common to that generation.

She also had some frailties; long hours of looking into horoscopes (all for free), food habits and lack of regular walking were prime ones which resulted in slow heart pumping. It was in the month of December 2005, she suffered her major attack but she hung on, hung on to see the death of her 3rd grandchild and my marriage. Just a month ago she emerged victoriously from the ventilator but complications compiled. Yesterday, she was at the nursing home narrating to the doctor her problems and suddenly, without any sign, life ebbed away in a span of five to ten minutes. Death was an unexpected visitor! Perhaps, persons of her rasi/lagnam bid farewell suddenly.

This june I prostrated before her with fond hopes of meeting again in November. But fate had other plans. This morning the vaadhiyar, as usual arrived late and over phone I heard the chants and final procedure being executed and finally the wails when the body was lifted. I cannot comment on the desirability of such procedures.

I only hope the aatma continues to shower blessings. I have some bookish knowledge which has taught me to distinguish the bodiless soul from the perishable body and thus, not to grieve. Tears do emerge on the thought of having separated permanently. But I have sweet memories to cherish which death cannot take away…of course…I wait on.