krishna, narmada & tunnel

Train journey always excites me and brings out the kid in me; the green fields, rivers, hillocks, small stations to big junctions, red and black soils, the chambal ghatti, the music train produces....the route of tamilnadu express always fascinated me so much so i remained awake to see river krishna around 1am after vijayawada. The narmada river just before bhopal and the tunnel section between bhopal-itarsi happen to be my favorites. Over the years we adopted the bangalore route for to & fro and literally gave up the tamilnadu line. It was almost after a decade that i was back on the line but this time on different train and time setting; however the madurai sampark kranti just got delayed to enable me to cover the river krishna, river narmada and tunnel section; this time i felt that forest in the tunnel section had dwindled and was not spectacular as it used to be - the awe perhaps has diminished little bit (grown-up effect).

Dear Grandma

Na jaayate mriyate vaavipascit
Naayam kutascin-na babhuuva kascit
Ajo nityah saasvato yam puraano
Na hanyate hanyamaane sarire

The intelligent aatman is not born, nor does He die.
He did not spring from anything and nothing sprang from him.
This unborn, eternal, evelasting, ancient is
Not slain even when the body is destroyed.
- Kathopanisad

As I write this, far away in trichy, the mortal body of my beloved maternal grandma shall be consigned to agni, the agni devouring the flesh and the bones. She is very close to my heart; death may take away the frail body but not sweet memories etched in my heart. I’ve all through, spent my summer vacations with her, listening to her sweet voice narrating stories after stories about her tryst with peoples and lord murugan. Certainly, being the first grandson, I was her pet; with all fondness she would over-serve me (rather all, even strangers too). Her food serving style was testimony to her magnanimous heart; even in this June she distributed all the marriage sweets to all the visitors. I would keenly await the arrival of her magic vibhuti for my exams and credit for passing all the exams goes to her and my mom’s prayers. It was she who taught me sandhyvandaman mantras and it is because of her initiation, I still perform my morning duty.

Her life was marked by ‘sacrifices’ – for supporting and raising grandpa’s siblings, marrying them off, raising her own kids, borrowing and repaying the debts. It is indeed remarkable how she single-handedly managed her finances and savings and took care of her daughters after the death of my grandpa; perhaps a trait (the fighting spirit) common to that generation.

She also had some frailties; long hours of looking into horoscopes (all for free), food habits and lack of regular walking were prime ones which resulted in slow heart pumping. It was in the month of December 2005, she suffered her major attack but she hung on, hung on to see the death of her 3rd grandchild and my marriage. Just a month ago she emerged victoriously from the ventilator but complications compiled. Yesterday, she was at the nursing home narrating to the doctor her problems and suddenly, without any sign, life ebbed away in a span of five to ten minutes. Death was an unexpected visitor! Perhaps, persons of her rasi/lagnam bid farewell suddenly.

This june I prostrated before her with fond hopes of meeting again in November. But fate had other plans. This morning the vaadhiyar, as usual arrived late and over phone I heard the chants and final procedure being executed and finally the wails when the body was lifted. I cannot comment on the desirability of such procedures.

I only hope the aatma continues to shower blessings. I have some bookish knowledge which has taught me to distinguish the bodiless soul from the perishable body and thus, not to grieve. Tears do emerge on the thought of having separated permanently. But I have sweet memories to cherish which death cannot take away…of course…I wait on.

Daughter & father-Bond between

This has been the month of re-runs; had repeat watch of pasanga, tamil padam and abhium naanum. The last mentioned tamil film touches the bond shared between a father played by prakash raj and his daughter played by trisha. The film is simple in plot but portrays the emotions beautifully; an affectionate father (would seem over affectionate) a confident daughter who chooses her life partner on her own, marraige and eventually moving away from her father's place. This scenario is not out of place in normal indian households (of course there exists option between love and arranged marriage). This is prakash raj's second film as a possessive father (santosh subramanyam) and I have become his fan since gilli, mozhi, velli theeray etc.

The relationship between daugher and her father may be taken as granted but given the concept of settling at husband's place, the wedding day shatters the grantedness. More painful is the day when girl's parents bid her adieu at the railway platform/airport/bus-stand after leaving her at her hubby's place. And this I realised when I came to know about my fil crying after boarding the train and my wife crying for an hour later at zero hours. Again after three months, while watching this movie, tears trickled from my wife's eyes and by the time we finished teh film and went to our room, tears flowed like a river. And the unspoken and unsaid bond and affection between a father and his girl dawned on me. Given the fabric of indian household, the girls slowly move away from fathers (usually reciprocated) but affection remains and deepens.

“Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express.” - Joseph Addison

Road to commonwealth-II

In order to project dilli as a world class city to the games tourist and ensure faster transportation,apart from the road beautification and landscaping scams, a thick yellow line is being drawn on the roads, earmarking that wide lane only for the commonwealth vehicles. Further, it is being mooted to impose Rs. 2000/- on the common man vehicle whcih infiltrates that games lane. As it is, under the garb of arranging the games, crores of public money has gone into drain and now a direct penalty is sought to be imposed on the common man.

Apparently, the central government has pitched in and a review committee has been formed to look into the scams and pace. However, it has been decided not to punish the scamsters and it has been promised that after the conclusion of the games, a full scale probe shall be undertaken and that punishment shall be severe and exemplary. Two months time affords enough time to arrive at peaceful division of the booty; few heads would roll as token measure and self-praise of the games will roll out. Public memory is too short and by the end of the games, everything shall be rolled under the carpet.

Road to Commonwealth-I

Just returned from troubled waters and dilli’s woeful roads; as a dilliwallah I often boast about wide and superb roads in dilli but deep down I know that these maze of roads linked politicians office and home and other power brokers. Roads elsewhere and everywhere are distant cousins of rich-roads and a repeat source of wealth and employment for these roads are repeatedly raped by different civic agencies and contractors; frequent digging and covering up never ceases to amaze me. Come rainy season, traffic comes to a standstill and in many pockets cars and buses float and then starts shifting of blame between civic agencies. The commonwealth project has added more spice to dilli roads; dilliwallas are enjoying deadly mocktail of rain water invading construction work and materials (malbaa). Come October, more traffic restrictions shall follow with blocking up of major roads in order to ensure smooth passage for dignitaries, sportsmen and politicians of course. All this to showcase beautiful dilli and improve tourism. Or all this to swallow the common wealth of we the people? Newspapers are having a gala time in reporting various scams and I am somehow aligned with mani shankar iyer’s wish of rains spoiling the great commonwealth circus. Certainly, dilli’s bid for 2019 asiad stands thwarted – silver lining behind dark clouds. However, order of apex court gagging newspapers from reporting on ensuing investigation in re: ‘scams’ is a retro step and has the effect of validating a legislation conferring immunity on these scams. The public has all the rights to be informed about the nitty-gritty’s of the scams since it is the public money, which is being frittered and pocketed.

Trip to Agra

This was my fourth trip to agra driven purely out of my selfish need to capture the taj mahal in my digi cam which exposed my mother-in-law to month long misery in the form of typhoid and knee trouble. The justification to the trip was folks at my in-laws place would enquire where they had been i.e. places seen and the taj is supposed to be the stock answer.





Certainly the month of June and rising temperature was the principal devil; clumsy innova with no back door provision and an amateur driver who refused to cross 80 kmph added to our misery. We overlooked mathura in order to reach agra early, which reason was ascribed to our sufferings later in the day. We choose to have an early breakfast at sagar ratna which proved to be a wise decision and reached akbar’s tomb around 10 am. Compared to the taj, akbar’s tomb is far more calm and serene with deers and peacocks hugging the green grass. The structure is simple and not massive compared to other moghul rulers to follow and indeed befits the greatest ruler of moghul era.





And we reached the taj just at the right time, 12 noon in sweltering heat. The camel ride was nice and so was the quick shopping to see banana silk sarees, came leather chappals and quilts. My mom and dad wisely choose to relax at the entrance of the taj. The rest of us (myself, my wife, bil, mil and fil) marched forward bravely while clicking photos. My mil decided to stay put near the shoe removal area. The moment we removed our shoes, we began hopping and dancing and raced furiously to complete the round. A quick round and we were glad to have our shoes back. More pics followed and my purpose was finished and I silently resolved never ever to visit the taj with any other relations. Wholly tired and drained, the agra fort was skipped. So agra needs to be visited again in order to capture agra fort and the view of the taj from the agra fort but next time, I can relax at the entrance of the taj. Till then, I wait like a praying mantis!




Another two-hour ride through pits and holes took us to buland darwaaza (fateh-pur-sikri) wherein for the first time we employed a guide who using my mom’s weak sentiments forced us to purchase a chadar, which was given to the local mosque. Hindi being an alien language to my in-laws, they only could stare emptily and jaws wide open; possibly when their misery would end. But abhi to picture baaki thi. My bil, however, summed up superbly on our way back. One aspect intrigued me re: use of khooni haathi by akbar in dispensation of justice. The elephant had the power (by smell) to find out bad men and used to trample them to death.

Our last stop was to be mathura but fate had other plans for us. We spent two hours at a local jyothi dhaba wherein we ended paying closed to Rs. 1000/- and another hour at railway crossing gates; the march of trains seemed endless. We further spent three hours waiting for the traffic to clear which had amassed in national highway 2. It was only around 10 pm that we hopped on to NH 2 and thus, mathura was skipped. It was close to 2 am when we reached home and thus, ended my fourth trip to agra.

Vidajaaladuraa

My thumb rule for tamil and hindi film songs is first impression rule. If the music or lyrics captivates me at the first instance, then I am hooked to that particular song to the extent that it becomes the suprabhaatam. Lately, mundhinam paarthen of vaaranam aayiram has joined this list.

However, the above rule certainly cannot be applied to carnatic music. There were certain raagas rather chauka kala krithis in particular raagam for which I never had the taste. However, I have realized that my taste has rather become inclusive and expanded owing to endless hours devoted to listening to great voices of the past. Listening naturally presents an easier and attractive option compared to practicing the fiddle for a lethargic person like me. Krithis in raagams like kanadaa, arabhi, sahaana, sri, naatai, ravichandrika, bahudari, natakurunji, madhyamavati, kadanakudukalam, reethigowla were instant hit with me. As I have grown up, I have come to appreciate and love raagams like devakanthari, begada, thodi, varaali, bhairavi, mukhaari to name a few.

I heard Tyagaraja’s krithi – vidajaaladuraa in janaranjani ragam rendered by T.M. Krishna (CD) around 28th January, 2010 and since then, this krithi has become the suprabhaatam. It proceeds at a softy level (owing krishna’s voice) but at the same time is lively, just like a flying butterfly or gliding butter. The accompanying violinist and mirdangist have added the right tadka given the correct mic setting.

Of the trinity, krithis composed by tyagaraja are akin to draksha fruit, gives instant taste and this particular krithi – vidajaaladuraa transports me to world of sheer bliss. I found tyagaraja’s krithis smarane sukha in the same raagam very much slow and dull; perhaps the saint was in too much contemplative mood.

In vidajaaladura, the saint conveys:

“Listen, Oh Raama! It is not possible for my mind to let go its hold on your holy feet, though it may be tossed about in a state of distress caused by entertaining unrealizable desires. Whatever tasks I might undertake, whatever unseeable sights I might see, I have regarded them all as yourself and felt delighted that I did so.”

Meaning courtesy - Spiritual Heritage of Tyagaraja – C. Ramanujachari

Death, relief and fight

What seemed to be a normal delivery, wasn’t and Aravind’s struggle with life started soon. Aravind, my cousin (chitti/mausi’s first son), as an infant seemed all normal for the whole family, but my maternal grandma (as well as Aravind’s) was quick to note the problems and forewarned. Lack of oxygen for certain seconds during the delivery was identified as the culprit. It started with delayed milestones but the seizure attack complicated the things. Seeing the CT scan report, an expert doctor gave only 12 years. With seizure attacks getting longer, his walk dwindled to limping and then to dragging on the floor. He would still rush in joy dragging his things and legs on the floor. Speech never developed but he had deep liking for music and he used to hum and sing the opening phrases of songs such as, “urvasi..urvasi”. He keenly followed cricket too; it was “balla takka” for him. If delhi was bad for him, bangalore’s climate did him. But he had the chance of attending spastic school upto certain age in bangalore, which proved better for him and his mother. The climate of madras and trichy suited him best from cold and cough point of view. The walk was totally gone and it was purely buggy ride for him.

While his maternal grandma doted on him, his paternal grandparents only displayed formal affection so much so that his paternal grandma mocked at his style of walking at one stage. She now, is at the same stage of limping with knees gone.

Soon the buggy ride too stopped and he was confined to bed only after thigh fracture. He was successful in defeating the ventilator too but succumbed to pneumonia; he had some difficulty in breathing and his mother assumed that it was due to cold which was a normal feature with him. She stepped out to buy some ayurvedic medicine and he faded away forever with mouth opened and eyes half-open. She was inconsolable that she was not besides him till the time it was told to her that the boy had seen vishwa rupam of the lord going by the status of eyes and mouth and further that it was raatha saptami day, the day for which bhisma (of mahabharata fame) waited to give his life. The boy’s younger brother, aged 7, observed – anna would be born in a much better family and shall be better than him.

The immediate reaction of near and dear ones was that it was an escape from suffering, endured for nineteen years, both for the kid and parents. I am sure that this birth was necessitated to off-set some karma of previous births. Very often my maternal grandpa, a tax-practitioner by profession, wished that he be born in a para-bhramam state, owing to accounts and figures.

Soon, the focus shifted to rites and rituals. The paternal side was keen on doing-away with formalities owing to non-belief and cost factor. Indeed, the boy’s paternal grandma sobbed on 14th day that Rs. 65,000/- had been wasted on silly procedures. The vaadhiyaar, who gave a moral lecture on the first day, skipped the 9th day rites and clubbed the same with 10th day. The boy’s father and paternal grandma even refused to keep the stone at the house and entrusted the same to the vaadhiyaar. Meanwhile, maternal grandma and my mom were very much upset with vaadhiyaar’s tactics; for them pithru saabam should not be earned.

Amidst all this, erupted fight too on the third day itself; my dad advised my chitti to go for some job and praised her before the maamiyaar (mother-in-law-boy’s paternal grandma). This was not taken in the right spirit by mil and hue and cry was raised over degrading her son, who has history of not sticking to even one job and remains a sales executive at the age of 45 years. My mom relayed this fight news over phone when I was watching vaaranam aayiram at my aunt’s place. Indeed, it was war-ranam-aayiram there (thousand words causing war and ranam). This closely resembled the fight over uruma in one of the raadhika’s serial, though not in scale.

Everybody is back at their place and I believe that the departed soul too is liberated from the cycle of punarapi jananam punarapi maranam.